Remembering My Why

“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for loving and knowing people in more than one place.”

I am feeling a little less “at home” this week, and have been reminded a bit more easily that a big piece of my heart is in Ethiopia. This time last year, I was zipping up my suitcase, making last minute runs to Target to make sure I had everything I needed, checking five billion times that my passport had not moved out of my carry-on bag, and preparing to meet the rest of our team in D.C. before taking off the next morning. The day before takeoff felt like the slowest day ever—you know, kind of like when you’re five years old and waiting for your birthday party to start. There was such a sense of anticipation and excitement and nervousness and all the emotions, because I knew I would not be the same once I stepped off the airplane in Ethiopia.

And I was right. I wouldn’t be.

But the truth is, it wasn’t the trip that changed me. It was how God used the trip, the people I met, the stories I heard, and the way I experienced Jesus when I was there to change me.

I’ve learned a lot about myself this year since this trip. Being able to see another culture’s physical poverty has allowed me to identify more of my own poverty. While mine may not be physical, I’ve become increasingly aware of the spiritual and relational poverty that exists in my life. In the seven days I was there, I witnessed deeper friendships and community than any I had seen before. I wish everyone could experience the fullness of relationships and community that exists amongst the Carry 117 staff at the compound in Ethiopia. It was tangible. Between sharing stories with each other, worshipping together, sharing coffee and popcorn at the ladies’ homes, and praying together, it was a glimpse of heaven I hope I get to experience more than once on this earth.

But the biggest way this trip impacted me—in my day to day—is the way that I serve. I’ve been serving with Carry 117 for about three years, as a project manager and an assistant—and I absolutely love that I get to be a small part of what God is doing through this organization, our leadership, our staff, and our volunteers. Prior to going to Ethiopia, my heart was captured—and I always said it was captured by the country of Ethiopia and the people that I had known of but never met. Before the trip, I loved being part of something big because I knew it was making a difference. While that’s still true—on this trip and since I’ve returned home, my heart was captured again in a fresh and a more personal way.

This trip really shaped the “why” behind why I choose to serve at Carry 117. It gave me a deeper understanding of the importance of empowering women. It gave me a deeper understanding of why orphan prevention and family preservation are so important, especially in Ethiopia and especially in Korah (the village we serve in). But most importantly, this trip gave me names, faces, friendships, and stories as fresh motivation to continue to serve. Things change when you know a name, a face, and a story. It becomes personal. And I am so glad it did.

It can be easy when you serve somewhere to get caught up in the details or logistics. It can be easy to become preoccupied with all the glamorous (or the non-glamorous) parts of your role. It can also be easy when you serve somewhere to wonder if what you’re doing is actually doing anything at all. Especially when an ocean lies in the middle. But when you remember your “why,” it changes things. It changes your perspective. It gives you a fresh energy and motivation. Remembering your “why” reminds you why you wanted to serve and be part of it in the first place.

Where do you serve? And who or what is your “why”?

Remember that “why.” And keep going.